Our Experience with N-Met

As of recently, Gavin had been coming home saying that he kept losing recess. Now, this was partly due to him having a teacher that we are not very fond of, and whom I believe treats the children like they are older and more mature than they actually are. The other reason, is Gavin has ADHD and has always had difficulty staying focused and on task. This often results in "misbehavior" in the classroom because....let's be honest. He would much rather focus on the shiny dancing light on the ceiling caused by Little Johnny's watch reflecting the sun from across the room. Things like this lead to him either (a) not finishing his classwork or (b) missing a verbal direction given by his teacher, and inadvertently doing something wrong.

I was skeptical, but with Gavin having a hard time focusing in school and his Tourette 'tics' were getting a bit more intense, I started doing some research. I found N-Met online, and decided it was at least worth a shot to try. I mean the worst that could happen would have been we saw no improvement. We don't believe it is acceptable or necessary to medicate Gavin AT ALL at this time. He has some minor issues, but in the grand scheme of things.... I don't believe that an 8 year old needs to be hopped up on meds, and since he is "manageable" (a term Doctor's use, not us!), we really feel that it will be a decision for him to make for himself someday if things progress any differently than they have thus far.

 So, when I stumbled upon this during my research::::

 I Had to at least try it. So, 4 weeks ago, I ordered a product called "N-Met". It's a liquid vitamin, which the website claims will  aide in Sleep Disturbance, Focus & Low Energy, Angry Outbursts, Flapping & Uncontrolled Movements, Speech, and Fear & Confusion.

The first week, we saw very little to no difference. The second week, Gavin came home EVERY day BEAMING from how well he had done. Now...Again, I was skeptical. We had told him what he was taking (Vitamins) and why he was taking it (Primarily to help his focus at school). We were willing to admit that it was having a placebo effect, but honestly could've cared less as long as HE thought it was working! But....then we started to also notice that his tics were diminishing. He used to "Tic" while he was watching TV, brushing his teeth, getting excited, if he were being reprimanded, if he was anxious....he tic-ed CONSTANTLY.

But around day 10, Sean and I started to notice that he was just....still. No sudden movements. No head jerking, no finger tapping, no grunting slightly in his throat. This.....was MAGICAL. It was such a relief to watch him RELAX. To see him truly at ease. I don't know how long this will last, but for right now, we are singing the praises of N-Met in our house 100%!!!!

Tackling Anxiety, One Panic at a Time

One of the many joys that Asperger's brings, is anxiety. This unwelcome guest rears it's ugly head, and makes our poor Gavin fixate on certain things and need a bucket full of reassurance.

We have been having a HARD time with our evening routine, ever since I went to work 6 months ago. Gavin was used to me being home 24/7, and having me & Daddy home for dinner was a guarantee. Now that I work the 2nd shift and Sean works overnights, Gavin and his two siblings are left with an AMAZING family member on nights that he and I both have to work.

While Gavin LOVES when she comes, the time period between when he gets off the bus and when she arrives has become a 4 hour time slot full of panic. He has manifested this panic, into a fixation on dinner. (LOL) Now, while this may sound funny to some of you....I assure you it isn't. It began as a slight nuisance, and over the course of 3 weeks, became such a repetitive subject matter that Sean and I were at a snapping point.

The conversation would go something like this:

"Colie....What's for dinner tonight?"---- Gavin
"Daddy is going to make_______ tonight." ----Me
"oh, ok."---- Gavin
 (time elapse 3 minutes)
"Colie...are you sure that's what he is making"--- Gavin
"Yes Honey....*kiss&hug* Love you. I have to go to work. I will kiss your forehead while you're sleeping when I get home, and I will see you in the morning. I love you from here......."----Me
"....To the Moon. See you in the morning!"---Gavin
(Time Elapse 35 minutes....Once I've been at work for approx 20 minutes)
*phone rings*
"Help Me. He won't stop. He has asked::: When dinner is, what I'm making, If I'm SURE that's what I'm making, if we have all the stuff I need to make it, If I'll still be here for dinner, If that's what Holden is having for dinner, what is Nola having for dinner, am I leaving after I have dinner......(REPEAT x10) I'm going CrAzY!"----Sean

Now, rather than us telling Gavin that he has been told what is for dinner and that if he asks again he will be punished....or that we will only answer the question a certain number of times.....or that he isn't allowed to ask about dinner....or any other number of ridiculous things that would only result in an INCREASE his anxiety, we came up with a better plan :0)

We have implemented a daily menu, starting today. We sat down with Gavin, and explained that when he comes home from school the menu will be listed. There will be no changes to the menu once it is posted, and that Daddy, Holden & Nola will always be home for supper with him.

We will see if this alleviates some of his panic he has associated with dinner time, in Sean and I working these late hours. I'm hoping that he will feel as though he has more control over the situation and I have also asked him to help me come up with the menu ever Sunday for the rest of the week (He was tickled PINK at being involved in such a 'grown-up' task like planning meals for his family!) :0)

I hate that we have put him into a situation where he feels uncomfortable. And part of me feels SO SO guilty. I would love to go home tomorrow and tell Gavin that I am going to be a Stay-At-Home-Mama again. But, I love my job, and let's get real....I didn't win the lotto. I have three kids and I am 24 years old. I NEED to work! (LOL) 

So, until I win the lotto....here's to being innovative and trying to help my baby over these hurdles in which he faces. I hope I always have an open mind, and that I have the ability to look OUTSIDE the box, and see through the 'silliness' that others may be blinded by, and see the REAL issue at hand. I hope I can always 'read' him, and be able to find some sort of solution. Even if it ends up being a flop, I will ALWAYS try anything and everything to help him on his journey, and in doing so I hope that he is blessed with having creativity in resolving his own problems in his future.

Put on your Big Girl Pants and---GET OVER IT!

I wanted to write about the experience I had in having Gavin diagnosed, in hopes that another parent or parents will read this....and realize they can do it too! :0)

It was a HARD decision to make to physically sit down an the computer, and begin "Google-ing" Autism Spectrum Disorders and having to scroll through and read through 'check-lists' and to realize through tear filled eyes that when answering these questions honestly that your son, does in fact, answer 'yes' to more of them than you would like.

It is even harder to bring yourself to (once again) to look up why your baby is twitching, and grunting.....after you look at all the other boys his age sitting on that Little League bench in all their matchy-glory and realize, he's the only one doing it.

There is some sort of comfort in 'over-looking' the signs. It is easier, in a sense, to  trick yourself into thinking "Maybe this is normal? Maybe the grunting, or not looking people in the eyes is just a part of him growing up". Some kids bite their nails (which...as of late has become a topic for discussion in our home. Gavin cannot seem to stop. A new tick, perhaps?), some children won't eat peas. Maybe this is just his...."thing"?

I will admit, I had these moments. Out of the three of us parenting Gavin, I think I was the one who had the easiest time accepting that we may all need to talk about the possibility of him having some not-so-average issues to deal with. I had been in enough Daycare classrooms having been a Teachers Assistant for years, to know that we were looking at and dealing with some drastically different situations with Gavin than other parents were dealing with their little guys and gals.

That does NOT mean that sitting down and looking at the big blue-red-yellow-blue-green-red pattern that is Google, was any easier for me emotionally. In my head I knew I must type in "Autism Check-List", but....my heart made my hands pause. I hesitated. I HOPED. I hoped that I was wrong, and that he wouldn't have any out of the ordinary obstacles to over come. You see....it isn't a diagnosis that makes your heart stop beating for a moment. It's realizing the LIFE in which it will effect, that makes you forget how to breath for a moment.

As a parent, you want to give your children all of the missed opportunities you had in your life. You want them to reap the benefits of the lessons you learned from your mistakes, so that they themselves need not make them. You want them to have it better than you did. So admitting that something could be "wrong" in any way, or that something beyond your control could get in the way of your Master Plan in giving them the 'cheat code' for life that you have made for them throughout your years.....is a tough pill to swallow.

I do understand that some parents would like to pretend everything is A-OK, and not because they are bad parents! It is purely because they sat in that delivery room, holding that child for the very first time and planned their future. They saw them in mud puddles, or in ballet slippers. They saw them bringing home all those straight A's and putting them on the fridge with pride. They imagined the first date, and how they would worry when he/she stayed out past curfew. They saw the cap and gown, and they looked forward to dropping them off at college for the first time. I get that.

But....what are your alternatives? NOT having the courage to research, and then seek out the opinion of a professional is the WORST thing you could do to help your child down their path to success. It is the single most guaranteed way to take your visions of success for them, and make them a MILLION times harder for that child to make a reality. If your child had an eye swollen shut with pink eye....would you not go to the doctor and ask for help? Well, if you see that your son/daughter is having issues that you feel aren't "average".... go ask some questions! Do some research! If their is one thing I have no tolerance for, it is when parents look the other way when they know in their heart that their is something in need of attention.

You would never look me in the eye and tell me that I did something wrong to cause Gavin's Asperger's, Tourette's, or ADHD. So, what have you got to lose?!?! No one is going to think that you pinned your child down and force fed the Autism Spectrum Disorders, slapped a Sensory-Patch on their arm, or sprinkled some Tourette's in their oatmeal when no one was looking. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. No one will blame you. In all actuality, getting a diagnosis isn't about YOU. It's about your child. It's about getting educated on how to better lay down a path of success for THEIR future.

So, please. If you have EVER thought that their was something that deserved some extra thought or a little more questioning. If you've ever second guessed, or just had that 'gut feeling'. Do the right thing. Do what you KNOW is right. I know it's hard, but looking the other way is harder.

So, in closing....Put on your Big Girl Pants and GET OVER IT. For the sake of your child, get over it. The only thing you have to lose is the fear of the unknown. And wouldn't that be a wonderful thing to eliminate from your life? I sure know that since having Gavin diagnosed we have lost a lot of fear, and gained a lot of tools on how to better help him and how to let him help HIMSELF. We are a much happier, stronger family for having done it. You could be too :0)

Diagnosis....Bum Bum Bummmm!

With April quickly approaching, and many people talking about the Move-a-Thon, I felt compelled to write.

When I met Gavin, he was four years old. He didn't speak in complete sentences, and being an assistant teacher in a Daycare....I saw red flags. He could, however, count backwards and forwards to 500. Again, though I was incredibly proud and BEAMED with joy for his ability---I saw red flags. He had a very difficult time putting words to his emotions. Things like, "I feel mad" or "I am Happy" didn't come to him easily.

He fixated on a specific group of toys, and new EVVVVVVERYTHING their was to know about them. My favorite game to play with him, "Race The Clock", a game I created after seeing his ability.I would dump out every single Thomas The Tank Engine & Friends toy he had into a pile, and then picking them up one by one as FAST as I could with a stop watch, we would  see how fast he could name them. He was fast. Really fast. When we weren't "Racing The Clock", he would methodically act out scenes from episodes of the show. I learned very quickly if I wanted to play trains with him, and not get yelled at, I needed to watch said episode and play and use dialog that was appropriate from the episode that he was pulling his information from.

Gavin did not try new foods easily, did not welcome change, and was a MONSTER when life got in the way of a days schedule and you had to inform him that something needed to be cancelled or rescheduled.He didn't hug often, and he never 'pursed' or 'puckered' his lips for kisses.

Gavin began attending the Daycare where I worked, and I had the opportunity to see him in a whole new environment. At 4 years old he preferred to play parallel  to his classmates, rather than WITH them. The class would break up into small groups of 3 or 4 children and make a Lego Tower, or a foam block castle....but Gavin would be separate. He would be close...but not "with" the group.

My baby was....."different" from other children that were 4 years old.

At his Kindergarten screening, they told us that he presented some issues with lack of attention. And that his answer's were, "Not Typical." Not wrong....just, different than any other child's.

Kindergarten was hard. He was teased and bullied on the bus, and LORD HELP ME I spent more time on the phone with the school and at the bus garage trying to make sure he was safe at school than I did breathing that year.

First Grade was also rough, more talk of his lack of attention, and his inability to stay on task. But, the two teacher's he had were always so kind and so endearing that we never felt the issue was worth being too concerned about. It's difficult to know whether you are being a parent who over reacts...or one who UNDER reacts. As a Mama, you don't want to do either.

First Grade ended and summer came....Then, the 'tics' soon followed. We all noticed the semi-violent head twitching. The 'kicking' he did with his chin towards the ceiling. Gavin had always had a "habit" of clearing his throat, but with the addition of the physical 'tics', we couldn't help but wonder if the throat clearing was habit....or something more? We discussed our concerns as Co-Parents. We decided now was the time to play the "Better Safe Than Sorry" card. We made an appointment with his pediatrician and Heather and I went to speak with him while Sean was stuck at work. We voiced our concerns and explained the research we had done. The hours that she and I had spent on Google at our respective homes, was CRAMMED into a 15 minute doctor's appointment. He was fair, and he was honest. Saying that if we felt that strongly about our concerns, then we were his parents and we should not stop until we heard the answer we wanted. But, alas.... he fully admitted that he genuinely had very little experience with the things we were discussing and he recommended we see a developmental pediatrician.*GASP*

We found one we all agreed on, and Valhalla called to us.

August 3, 2011.

Sean and I had to adventure together, because Mommy-Heather was stuck at work. We all knew that putting off the appointment any longer would be detrimental to Gavin, no matter how much we ALL wanted to be there. So, we the three of us made the choice to keep the appointment, and that Heather would be there in spirit. Sean and I sat side by side in the too-small-for-the-chairs-they-have-in-there, room. We sat amidst the Doctor and the 3 interns he had observing.  We sat with Gavin on my lap, and they talked about him like he wasn't there. It was blunt, and emotionless, and void of facial expression.

"We believe your son has Asperger's, Tourtette's and ADHD."

BAM! A heavy blow, right to the heart.

It was a hard car ride home. Sean spent the ride choking back tears, and I spent the ride explaining everything that the doctor had said, to Gavin. He was curious, and once I had explained the appointment to him in child appropriate terms...he was actually relieved. He was so excited to hear that their was a word for the "Weird" things he does, and was THRILLED to learn that their are other kids and people just like him!

We got back to my Mom and Dad's house, where Holden and Nola had been, and took a minute to go outside and collect our thoughts. It would take a few days for the reality of those 9 words to set in. But, Heather was on her way to pick the boys up and we had to regroup and put our game faces on. We had had our time to think, and to cry, and hold each other in weakness. She deserved her chance to be emotional and to break down. She needed us to be strong, and she needed us to allow her to have her moment to be weak. The three of us sat on My Parents' front porch, and I told her everything that Dr. Belkin had told us.

She had her moment. And we all sat on that porch together in silence as just a few tears escaped from behind her sunglasses, and fell from her cheeks to her chest. An appropriate place for them to land, right on her heart.

Something happened in that moment.
Something changed between the three of us in those silent moments.
We were all a little closer as Co-Parents, after that.
Suddenly, we weren't taking separate roads down our sons' future.
We had to change lanes and end up together, riding the hills and valley's of life together, for their sake.
We, were TEAM GAVIN.

We quickly realized that, while it was an initial blow to our hearts, his diagnosis (which were all confirmed after testing in July/September 2011), do not DEFINE him. He is still our Gavin, and placing a label on him didn't change anything. He is the same little boy I met 3+ years ago, Asperger's or no Asperger's.

I have also had the privilege of having made two  AMAZING new friends, Cheryl Broach-McClinsey and her husband Jason. They also (Ironically) has a Gavin with Asperger's and Tourette's. And it is beyond comforting to know that other parents know what we go through, and that we can send a simple text saying "Ugh" and we both just know.

Dealing with anxiety attacks, rigid routines, self doubt, a child that HATES turtle necks, dealing with a lesser amount of hugs and kisses than "normal" (and knowing how VERY special they are when you get them!), dirty looks in supermarkets and at the mall, little/no eye contact, and a laundry list of other quirks....bring us all together <3

We are our own little community, and we all speak a language foreign to others. We have challenges that other parents know nothing about. But, we have rewards that they cannot understand as well.

My sons name is, Gavin.

<3 And I love him from here....to the Moon. <3